Thirty minutes

Today, at about quarter after five, my heart broke a little inside of me. Riley woke up from a short nap in absolute hysterics. When I pulled her out of her crib, she nestled her head deep into my shoulder but kept crying. I tried to glance at her face and especially her eyes. This past Sunday, she got a mosquito bite right between the eyes. This morning, when she woke up, both eyelids were swollen, plus the bite. I'm not sure if the two things are connected, but I do know that the sweet face looking back at me resembled something more like a creature from Star Trek than my little girl.

Anyway, I stole a glance at her face and saw that her lids were still swollen, and she was rubbing them with her little balled-up fist. I can only imagine that they irritated her. I quickly gave her some Benadryl, which I had to coerce down her throat in between screams. I placed her on the living room rug and quickly ran to the freezer. I pulled out a frozen Yoplait Whip that I had deposited there, earlier in the week. I figured that we might have some allergy issue but maybe a teething issue as well. I drew Riley's head onto my lap, as she needed to lie down in order to kick and flail. Since her eyes were shut tight with tears, I tapped a frozen yogurt-laden spoon to her lips. She opened and quieted for a moment. Every time she'd finish a bite, I'd spoon her another. She eventually calmed a little, but at that point, I think, is when my heart broke. She looked at me with her tear-filled eyes, saying, I'm pretty certain, "Mommy, please make the pain stop."

I actually thought back only four years or so, to when I spent five days in the hospital, eventually being diagnosed with celiac disease. I know that I've never felt that kind of pain before or since, not in childbirth even. Now, I can only imagine what it felt like for my mom. I'm pretty sure I would have asked her to make it stop. I know I asked her if she thought I was going to die.

Fortunately, about thirty minutes later, my heart was softly put back together, as Riley stood up, walked around the couch, and smiled her gorgeous smile at me.

My goodness, though, motherhood is hard.